The Wages of Sin (1/1) by Jean Helms (jeanlhelms@yahoo.com)

CATEGORY: V, MSR, H (no, I have not been replaced by a pod
person), Haven challengefic 
SUMMARY: Pure foolishness 
RATING: It could almost be G
SPOILERS: Takes place in Season 10, The One That Never Happened
DISCLAIMER: Oh, grow up. Do you have any idea how much money
I've spent on books and DVDs and Barbie and Ken and all that?
You're making money off ME, fellas. 
ARCHIVE: I honestly can't imagine that anyone would want to. 
FEEDBACK: I like it. 

DEDICATION: To Syn, to repay her for The Wondrous PickleFic.
And yes, the title is a pun.


~*~*~*~*~*~


"Scully, have you seen my white athletic shoes?"

"On several occasions, yes."

"Very funny. You know what I mean."

"I do. What I don't know is why you expect me to keep up with
them."

"I didn't say I expected you to keep up with them. I just asked
you where they were." 

"No, you didn't. You asked me if I'd seen them. And I answered
you."

"You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? It's payback because
I pissed you off."

"I'm not pissed off."

"You're not Little Miss Sunshine, either. You're angry at me."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because when you get anywhere near me, you back off like I had
10 pounds of raw Bermuda onions on my breath."

"Well, if I am angry, Mulder, I have reason. I still can't
believe you did that."

"It was a joke."

"Some joke."

"Oh, come on, Skinner thought it was funny."

"No, he did not. He merely refrained from kicking your ass."

"Well, for him, that's about the same thing as being amused."

"You really shouldn't torment him."

"Ah, he knows I don't mean it."

"You don't mean it when you call him that?"

"I didn't think he'd mind it. He is a Marine."

"Mulder, Marines don't mind being called leathernecks. They
don't mind being called bulldogs. They very much mind being
called jarheads by people who were never in the Marine Corps."

"Why don't they mind being called leathernecks? Their necks
aren't leather."

"Don't try to change the subject, Mulder. I'm warning you. And
need I remind you, you didn't just call him a jarhead."

"No, I think my exact words were 'pickle-jar head.'"

"Your exact words, Mulder, were 'big-eared, shiny-topped pickle-
jar head.'"

"Yeah. That was a classic, wasn't it?"

"And you thought that was funny?"

"After that much vodka, everything's funny."

"Well, congratulations, Mulder. You have just managed to offend
your last friend in the Bureau."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Yeah. Aren't you my last friend in the Bureau?"

"I'm your partner."

"And my wife."

"That doesn't mean I'm overlooking what you said at dinner last
night..."

"No. But maybe it means you'll forgive me?"

"Maybe ..."

"And tell me where my shoes are?"

"I'm not feeling that forgiving."

"You're not, huh?"

"No."

"Will you at least give me a hint?"

"You want a hint?"

"Yes. Please."

"They're probably not in the attic."

"Gee, thanks."

"Don't mention it. And Mulder?"

"Yeah?"

"Next time you think about having the boss over for dinner and
drinks... don't."

"How about if I ask you over?"

"You can't ask me over. I live here."

"You could come over to my side of the bed."

"For what?"

"For pickles."

"Pickles?"

"Yeah. Pickles. Like ... you know ... this one here in my
pocket."

"Is that really a pickle in your pocket, Mulder?"

"Anything's possible, Scully. Anything at all."

~*~*~*~*~*~


The elements of this challenge were:

500 words or less 
All dialog 
Must use these words: 
sunshine
leather 
congratulations 
Bermuda onions 
attic


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